State of sadness

Do you wanna know the worst thing about sadness?
No, it's not the sadness itself.
No, it's not  the pain or numbness.
It's going too deep into this state that it becomes your point of view.
That's probably the scariest thing that can happen.
Getting caught up in this state.
State of sadness.
State of nothing.
That when something good happens you just can't hold it.
You get scared. 
You have panic attacks.
Because being happy is so unreal, 
so different that you're afraid of this feeling.
You prefer to sit in your room all day, 
in your comfort zone.
Because getting out of it is too hard.
It's even worse when you fall in love.
You can't handle it.
You don't want to see people. 
It seems like too much. 
You're just living from one sad moment to another.
Because you feel that you don't deserve happiness.
It's something you're not used. 
And you know from experience that even you began to be happy it always ends for a long time.
So what's the point of being happy anyway.
You just don't know.

Karolina x